


FULL RECOVERY

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, Episode Related, F/M, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-03-11
Updated: 2000-03-11
Packaged: 2018-11-10 06:43:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11121942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: A look at the what happned after Jill and Fraser solved the case of murder and black mail





	FULL RECOVERY

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

 

fullrecovery

Usual stuff-All characters of Due south belong to alliance,  
as much as I want them for my very own. Please don't copy, download,  
blah blah blah, you've heard it all before, other than for personal enjoyment.  
Spoliers for Victoria's Secret and North, takes place after the episode  
Letting Go. rated **Pg-13,**   for sexual content and some language.  
Enjoy  
 

By **Amethyst**.   
    
    


**A FULL RECOVERY**

         Jill Kennedy lifted Benton Fraser's legs, one at a time, stretching out the tight calf muscles and adding pressure to his back, as Fraser continued to pull down on the ring above him.   
         "I think we make a great team." She decided as she lay his legs flat, then straddled the bench he lay on and offered her hands to pull him up, needing the extra leverage her balancing act would offer to get the larger man upright. Fraser remained silent, the woman had become insufferable since her theory of blackmail, and drug addiction and eventually murder had been proven correct. Now it seemed she was bent on pressing this fact on Fraser.   
         "You are a remarkable therapist, Miss. Kennedy." He admitted as he used her hands for leverage to pull him upright, surprised when she didn't back away immediately as she usually did, but instead she sat down on his legs as he braced his hands behind him for support.   
         "I wasn't talking about that." She insisted as he stared at her.   
         "Yes, I know." He returned truthfully. "Are we finished here or do you intend to use me for a chair the rest of the evening?" Jill was non-pulsed by his hostility, even if he did say it in a mild mannered voice.   
         "You're a pretty comfortable chair." She commented grinning. "You'd be more comfortable if you'd forget about her though."   
         "Doctor Carter?" Fraser assumed they were still discussing the woman that had owned the office opposite Fraser's room and had been the one that shot Ray.   
         "No." Jill gave him a gentle poke in the chest before rising to her feet. "Whoever that women is that hurt you."   
         "I don't know what you are talking about." Fraser returned as she moved his wheel chair closer so he could maneuver into it then wheeled him toward the pool.   
         "Quell surprise." She remarked dryly as she helped him pull off his sweatshirt and pants to expose the swim trunks underneath. She disrobed as well, revealing a simple black one-piece suit, then helped him into the water.   
         "Is it at all possible to get through a session with you without talking?" he requested and she shrugged and moved over to the opposite side of the pool.   
         "Swim to me and I'll think about it." She replied as Fraser started to duck under the water. "On top, please."   
        He glared at her, for that was more difficult for him, but in a few minutes he started to swim to her, only to have her swim away to the other side of the pool and encourage him to follow. When he caught her he was breathless and his legs were throbbing painfully. He moved to grip the side of the pool for support and missed, only to be caught by Jill, who put her arm around him for support.   
         "Are we done yet?" he growled and she tried to keep from smiling.   
         "You're supposed to stop when it starts hurting badly, Ben." She scolded as she turned him to lie against her as she maneuvered them into a floating position. "Relax for a moment." Fraser harumphed, he couldn't relax pressed against her like he was, skin on silky skin, the heat of their bodies contrasting the coolness of the water around them.   
         "Please are we done?" he demanded and she relented and led him to the stairs.   
         "You are such a grump today." She remarked as she helped him into the chair and handed him a towel for his upper body while she dried his lower portion. She dried partially and pulled on her own clothes then braced her hands on the arms of Fraser's chair and stared down at him. "Why must you insist on pouting, just because I was right about Dr. Carter?"   
         "Why do you insist pointing out you were right?" Fraser countered.   
         "Because I'm proud of the way we worked together."   
         "You put yourself in unnecessary danger, Miss. Kennedy." Fraser stated.   
         "Jill." She requested but he ignored her.   
         "You violated several breaking and entering laws, not to mention trespassing, invasion of privacy and..."   
         "You're just mad because I found the evidence we were looking for." She dismissed.   
         "You are stubborn, contrary, impetuous...." Fraser's words were cut of by her kiss. When she raised her head again she was smiling mischievously at his shocked and flustered look.   
         "You forgot to add a great kisser with a hot Bod." She teased, remembering how quickly he had analyzed her body on the first meeting.   
        His eyes narrowed and he rolled the chair back, mostly to get away from her before he did or said something he'd regret, but he had forgotten she'd been leaning on it and it pulled her off balance. He caught her before she could fall and injure herself.   
         "I am sorry." he offered contritely once she was righted again. She simply grinned and walked around the chair to push him toward the doors.   
         Fraser tried to gather a rein on his emotions, the insufferably likeable woman was getting under his skin and he couldn't allow that. He almost wished he could be nervous around her as he sometimes was with other insistent females, but almost from the moment he had met the pretty therapist he could only feel fascinating mixed with annoyance. His demeanor, however stilted did not put her off or abrupt he became, she was not the least bit confused by his language skills and she almost ever interrupted him when he babbled. A first for anyone.   
          Still, he'd allowed Victoria to fool him with her wit and charm and he would not be duped again. A pain pierced at his heart as he thought of Victoria, how he wished he could just rid him of her memory, but then he would feel the loss of that as well, and thought better of it. Ray had told him not all women with long dark hair tried to kill their lovers, perhaps he was right, but Fraser could no longer trust himself, especially not with the likes of Jill Kennedy, who it appeared would be so easy to love.   
         "You must have loved her very much." Jill commented quietly as they moved through the corridors of the hospital, once again seeming to nail exactly what he was thinking. "She sure has you wound tighter than a bow string, though why I can't fathom because obviously she hurt you and..." Fraser's hand darted out and caught the corner of a wall just before they turned and she almost stumbled at the sudden stop.   
         "Miss Kennedy, " he warned. "If you continue on discussing things I do not wish to speak of and that is none of your business I will request another therapist and be done with you. You had your little adventure as a detective and I am delighted for your new bravado but I insist that we maintain a strictly professional relationship, is that understood?" Jill was quiet for a long moment and Fraser regretted his words even before he had spoken them. He would never ask to replace her, she had helped take his mind off his on troubles with her little investigations. He was just not up to discussing Victoria and what a fool he had been, especially with Jill Kennedy.   
         "Certainly, Ben." She replied finally as they continued on their way. "I'm the therapist you're the patient. No problem." They entered his room and Ray Vecchio glanced up from the magazine he was reading from his own bed as she set the brake and allowed Fraser to haul himself into the bed. "I'm hard headed sometimes, you just need to spell it out for me occasionally but I understand now." As she spoke she retrieved a fresh change of clothing for the Mountie from his drawers. "Shall I send the nurse in or can you manage?" Before Fraser could answer she had done it for him. "Oh, I forgot you're a big strong Mountie, you don't need anyone's help." She dropped the clothes on the bed next to him. "Here you go, have at it."   
         "Wow!" Ray commented from his side of the room as he watched the pretty blond storm away. "What the hell did you say to her, Benny?" Fraser lay back on his bed wearily closed his eyes and gritted his teeth; the closest Ray had ever seen him to really loosing his temper.   
         "She is impossible!" Fraser insisted scowling. "Absolutely impossible."   
         "Yah," Ray agreed grinning. "But she sure is cute." Fraser actually glared at him and he chuckled, hiding behind his magazine.   
  

         Jill whisked into their room the following day, like a light fall breeze, filled with colorful laughter and sunshine. She practically ignoring Fraser as she smiled at Vecchio.   
         "How are you today, Ray?" she inquired brightly and the detective smiled at her warmly.   
         "Doin' good for someone with a bullet wound." He remarked calmly.   
         "At least they took it out of you." Fraser reminded from his own bed and Jill spared him a glance before turning back to the Italian.   
         "Is he sulking again?" she asked him and Ray grinned.   
         "I don't sulk." Fraser insisted.   
         "He doesn't sulk." Ray repeated his eyes dancing mischievously with Jill's.   
         "Then I must say he is doing a marvelous imitation of someone sulking." She returned as her strong hands checked Ray's legs and wound.   
         "Fraser's good at impressions." Ray offered.   
         "Yes, he does the martyr very well." Jill returned hearing a grunt from the other bed.   
         "Would you both please stop discussing me as though I were not here." Fraser demanded petulantly and Jill shrugged.   
         "Hey, just because I have to maintain a strictly professional relationship with some people." She pointed out meaningfully. "Doesn't mean I can't laugh it up with my buddy Ray, right Ray?" The detective was enjoying this enormously; he'd rarely seen Fraser so agitated by a woman.   
         "I'm game for whatever you are, love." He assured and she shot him a dazzling smile as she pulled the covers back around him comfortably. Fraser muttered something and tried to turn away from them on his side, so he didn't see Jill's conspiring wink to the detective.   
         "Raul will be in to take you for therapy in about an hour, Fraser." She informed as she headed out, causing the Mountie to rise up slightly and look after her.   
         "Who is Raul?"   
         "He's my assistant." She claimed calmly. "I am sure he will refrain from making you uncomfortable with any personal questions." Fraser gapped at her.   
         "I...but I do not require another therapist." He insisted quickly, realizing that he really did not want anyone else but her aiding his recovery, and she turned to face him slowly.   
         "I must have misunderstood then." She pressed a finger to her lips thoughtfully. "I was sure you requested someone who wouldn't delve into your personal life." She tossed up her hands. "I can't help myself, Fraser-I get attached to my patients, I like doing therapy with their mind as well as their body and I am afraid that involves personal questions." Fraser swallowed and wet his lips to rid the dryness in his mouth. He knew she was manipulating him, but he couldn't help it, he didn't want anyone else.   
         "I...yes, you...you misunderstood." He agreed quietly as she moved closer.   
         "So you do want me to continue with your therapy?" he leaned back into his pillow, trying to keep some space between them and ignore the sweet smell of eucalyptus and coconut.   
         "I...yes." He admitted lowering his gaze uncomfortably and tracing a pattern on the bed sheet with his finger.   
         "Let's test it then." She suggested and could swear he cringed internally, though his expression never faltered. "What's your favorite parts of my body?" Ray had to bite down hard on his lip to keep from laughing, waiting for the Mountie to start blushing and stammering, but he was disappointed and silently pleased when Fraser responded calmly.   
         "Your hands." He told her. "They give other's comfort and aid a body's recovery." She blinked, having not expected such an answer from him. "And your eyes because you pull people into your warmth and caring just by looking their way." Jill blushed and lowered her eyes, a small smile tugged at her lips.   
         "That's pretty personal." She commented.   
         "Yes." Fraser agreed quietly as she met his gaze again. "I don't mind being manipulated Jill, but please do not try and make me appear foolish, it is above you." She wet her lips contritely and nodded.   
         "Okay." She concurred, then reached up to squeeze his hand. "I'll be in later for your therapy."   
         "Thank you kindly." He returned without any inflection in his voice whatsoever. Ray regarded Fraser grinning and spoke the moment Jill was out of the room.   
         "She likes you, Benny."   
         "She is a very friendly person, Ray." Fraser replied refusing to rise to the bait his friend offered. "I am sure she likes a great many of her patients, and that they like her in return."   
         "But she really likes you, Benny." Ray stressed as Fraser arranged his pillow into a more comfortable position and refused to meet his partner's bold gaze.   
         "She likes you as well, Ray." He reminded picking up his book and flipping to the page he had carefully marked with an envelope.   
         "She's hot fer ya Benny." Ray insisted and Fraser turned his back to him.   
         "She is not a water faucet, Ray." He stated firmly turning his attention to his book.   
  

         He saw her there in his dreams again and he called to her, trying to warn her but it was too late. Ray was drawing his gun and Fraser couldn't allow him to shoot the woman he loved, so he increased his speed, desperate to reach her first. No Ray! Don't kill her! Victoria please wait! The bullet pierced his spine and Fraser bolted awake.   
         His partner was sleeping soundly in the next bed, snoring quietly and for the briefest instant Fraser felt an intense hatred for him, but it dissolved quickly along with the remnants of the dream. He wet his lips and tried to calm himself as he settled back against the pillows. After a long moment, when he realized he would not be able to get back to sleep, he threw back his covers and managed to maneuver himself quietly into his wheelchair, then glanced back at Ray to make sure he was still sleeping. He was and so Fraser slipped quietly from his room.   
         He found himself in the pool room moments later as he set the breaks on his chair and stared down at the shimmering blue water. He had not even bothered with turning on the lights when he entered; the bright moonlight from the windows above them cast enough illumination for him to see.   
        He linked his fingers together on his lap and lay his head back, closing his eyes to the memories of her face, her smile, her smell and her betrayal. The feel of her in his arms, their tender words of love spoken intimately in the dark light of his apartment was overshadowed by her acts against Ray and himself. His hands moved up to rake his face and run through his hair, as if trying to rub her memory from his mind, but it was no use she was still there every time he closed his eyes.   
         "Let her go, Son." Fraser Senior insisted from behind, startling him.   
         "Isn't there someone else you could be out haunting?" Fraser tossed aggravated. At this rate he wouldn't have to worry about learning to walk or dying of a broken heart, his father would give him an aneurysm sooner or later popping in and out without warning.   
         "Just you, Son." Robert Fraser replied calmly. "You should really be concentrating on that nice young girl of yours."   
         "What girl?"   
         "The blond you were swimming with earlier."   
         "She isn't my girl she is a therapist and we were not swimming we were doing therapy."   
         "Ah yes, about time you got out of that chair, Son."   
         "I am trying to do that, Dad."   
         "Certainly taking you long enough. Why if it had been me I'd have..."   
         "Dad, if you don't mind I will recover my own way, thank you very much." Fraser insisted. "I am lucky to be alive."   
         "So you are alive then." Robert returned. "Could've fooled me Son the way you've been moping about."   
         "I have not been moping..." Fraser protested.   
         "Brooding then."   
         "I do not brood." Fraser insisted.   
         "Whatever you say, Son." Robert Fraser returned unaffected by his son's hostility. Fraser opened his mouth to say something else and found his father had disappeared.   
         "He comes he goes, never a ward of warning." Fraser muttered to himself. "I'm beginning to think uncle Tiberias is the only mental patient in this family." He sighed and rubbed at his face, before making a decision and pulling off his sweatshirt. He managed, with some difficulty to remove his socks and jogging pants, for he still wore swim trunks underneath, then with a shove from the chair he propelled himself into the pool.   
         He knew he shouldn't be here alone, especially since his legs still didn't work as well as he liked, but he was determined to gather some kind of control, it didn't mater what, just as long as he maintained it. He had lost all sense of control since Victoria entered his life and it seemed he was no where close to recovering it. His mind, his body, constantly betrayed him and he couldn't stand it. He sucked in a long breath, closed his eyes to keep the chlorine from irritating then and allowed himself to drop below the surface of the water   
         Her face, her touch, her smell and all the things she had done to both him and Ray invaded his thoughts consistently, regardless of how he tried to focus and push them away. His body seemed to be rebelling against working at the pace Fraser preferred to recover at, making everything seem incredibly slow and frustrating. His usually strict mental and physical discipline had been shattered and all his normal tricks and methods were no longer working.   
         Victoria had stripped him of his trust and of what confidence he had worked hard to gain. Ray, by shooting him, had stripped him of his dignity and pride of never having to rely on anyone but himself, though he truly didn't blame the detective, at least anymore. He was very angry at first, his self-pity getting the better of him for once, but it was really himself that he was angry with, not Ray Vecchio. Ray was his partner and his best friend and because of Fraser the detective had almost lost everything. Personally, if their rolls had been reversed, Fraser may very well have made that shot intentionally, for all the trouble that had been caused.   
         But Ray felt guilty enough, Fraser could see that and he tried to dispel the childish sense of justice he received when Ray took a bullet in the back to protect him. He had not wanted the detective hurt, he loved him, but somewhere in the deep recess of his mind he had been glad Ray had been shot.   
          Although, his injury was no where as sever as Fraser's, the bullet that hit Ray went straight through and would probably only leave a scar and miner aches now and then. There was no nerve damage as Fraser had; the detective had full use of his legs. Fraser was relieved about that, for he had felt terribly guilty at his feelings when his friend took the bullet for him. Besides, Fraser wouldn't wish his condition on anyone, especially not Ray Vecchio, the man who was closer to him than anyone had ever been.   
         Fraser's eyes and mouth opened suddenly as he felt a sharp tug around his shoulders and was suddenly propelled to the surface. He sputtered as he broke through the surface and realized he was still being dragged toward the edge of the pool, and quickly untangled himself from Jill Kennedy's firm hold. She turned as she realized he was conscious as they reached the shallow end and their feet touched bottom.   
         "Are you unhinged!" Fraser yelled still trying to dispel the water that had filled his lungs. "I could have drowned!" She stared at him, her blue eyes moist with tears and flashing with anger.   
         "I thought you were drowning you idiot!" she exclaimed furious, as Fraser realized she still had her long sleeve shirt and jeans on. She had jumped in, clothes and all, to save him from drowning, had she thought he was trying to commit suicide? That idea alone appalled him. He wiped the water from his face and tried to gather some semblance of order to his chaotic thoughts.   
         "I...no." he managed, much more quietly, as she glared at him. "It...It's a form of mediation. I...I was just trying to...to..." how did he explain this without appearing foolish. "I...I was not in any danger of drowning." She continued to stare at him, her expression changing swiftly with a wide range of emotions left Fraser breathless. Fear, relief, anger, annoyance, intrigue and something that the Mountie couldn't quite place.   
         "The pool is off limits after hours, Fraser." She stated and he winced at her deliberate use of his last name. "If you want to off yourself or meditate or whatever the hell you were trying to do, do it somewhere else, this hospital is in the habit of saving lives not destroying them and we have a reputation to protect."   
         "I..." Fraser began but found himself speechless in the face of her wrath as she swam away from him and gripped the stairs.   
         "How could anyone, even you be so stupid to come in here alone?" she demanded, not even giving him a chance to answer as she ranted on. "What if I hadn't left my watch here? What if I hadn't come looking for it or decided to wait and get it tomorrow and then someone would have found you at the bottom of the pool the next morning and they would have blamed me, Fraser. That Jill Kennedy she finally push the Mountie too far, it's all her fault, she's to hard on him, she kept getting him into trouble she..." She paused as she watched Fraser's hand slip from the side of the pool and he dropped below the surface.   
         Her eyes narrowed at his attempt to block out her words, but when he didn't resurface after a minute or so she became worried. Had he gotten a cramp? She knew he became week rather quickly and his legs didn't always want to support him when he did. Was he just trying to gain sympathy or was he really in trouble? Fear spiked through her and she dove back into the water, reaching him in seconds and hauling him back up to the surface for the second time. Fraser opened his eyes as his feet touched bottom once more and she saw a smile twitch on his lips.   
         "Why you..." she sputtered furious when she realized she had been tricked, but they were quickly silenced as his mouth came down upon hers.   
         At first she was shocked and could only stand there, feeling the water bobbing around her as his lips, cool from the water, warmed hers in a soft tentative kiss. Her eyes fluttered closed and she wound her arms around his neck, pressing their bodies closer together as she opened her mouth to him and he slid his tongue inside to taste her. She wanted this, oh how she wanted this, from the moment she saw him lying forlornly in that hospital bed, his eyes clouded with pain and heartache. He'd impressed her on their first meeting, the ways he had deduced she was a physical therapist, 'with very clean hair' he told her because of her coconut shampoo. She started to smile at the memory and he seemed to take the extra widening of her lips as a sign to deepen the kiss.   
         Fraser's conscience pricked at him, he knew it was wrong to be kissing Jill, here in the physical therapy pool late at night, but he couldn't seem to stop. He had released his hold on the pool purposely, knowing she would come after him. He had only wanted her to stop ranting long enough to give him a chance to explain, but the moment they had surfaced again and she saw through his charade she had started again. Fraser had done the only thing he could think of to shut her up, he kissed her, and now that same kiss was getting harder and harder to break free from. She smelled wonderful, she felt wonderful and she was returning his kiss with an eager passion that was making his head spin. Once again he had lost control to a woman and that thought suddenly gave him the strength to pull away from her.   
         "I...I apologize." He managed breathlessly as he tried not to notice the flaming desire and slight disappointment in her eyes, or the sweet succulent redness of her lips, swollen from their kiss and almost begging for more. "I...I do not know why I did that." Liar! His conscience screamed and he blushed. "I...I truly did not mean to upset you or cause you any distress. I only wanted to get away from things for awhile, try and retain some...order in my present situation. I had not considered anyone finding me and thinking I was drowning, I am sorry if I frightened you."   
         Jill's chest rose and fell dramatically with her shallow breath, whether from anger or passion he was uncertain, but he had a disturbing effect on his own racing heart and stirring libido. The urge to kiss her again was almost too much, but he gritted his teeth and willed his hands to stay at his sides or on the pool wall.   
         "I....you did scare me." She stated huskily. "I...I thought..." she shook her head. "I thought that woman that has you so turned around and afraid to feel had finally pushed you to doing something desperate." Fraser was silent, for he couldn't exactly disagree with her; Victoria had been part of the reason he felt the need to do what he had. She placed a tentative hand on his bare chest, her fingers scorching through to his very soul, though he forced himself not to react to her touch. "No one is worth that much suffering, Ben. No one deserves that much power over you." Fraser watched her quietly, he suspected that she was not only speaking of himself and Victoria, but from personal experience. Just when he would have pressed her for more, she moved away and encouraged him to follow. "Let's get you dried off and back to your room before someone sees us." Fraser hesitated then let her help him out of the pool.   
  

         Fraser spent the next three days with Raul for therapy, so he suspected Jill was still angry with him. The tall Mexican youth was just as friendly as Jill had been the first day Fraser had met her, but he kept his comments light and cracked jokes that Fraser didn't always get. He manipulated the Mounties's body easily and efficiently, though they did not do any pool exercises that week, which Fraser thought only slightly odd. Perhaps Jill had told her assistant to keep the Mountie away from the water, which would really be embarrassing if she had to explain why. The other man was a good therapist, Fraser could admit that, but he didn't seem to have as much of a natural repoir with his patients as Jill did and he did not smell of coconut and eucalyptus.   
         Ray and Fraser were pleasantly surprised when their doctor informed them both they would be free to leave the day after tomorrow. Ray was able to move about with minimal discomfort and Fraser was now walking on his own, even if it was slowly and with a slight limp, favoring his right leg.  He would have two more weeks of therapy, but they would be outpatient treatments, so he could go home. The detective was relieved to be getting out of there, yet Fraser was almost disappointed. When Raul appeared for the fourth day in a row to take him for therapy, he couldn't help but ask why Jill was no longer assisting him.   
         "She's sick." Raul replied calmly, popping his gum. "Walk or ride today?" Fraser blinked. Jill was sick? How sick? What did she have? He voiced his question to the other man, who shrugged unconcerned. "Phenomena I think she said, or a really bad cold, I can't remember. Seems she went outside during that really cold night we had last week, with wet clothes. She told me she'd tripped when she was looking for her watch and fell into the pool, didn't have a change with her so she just walked home."   
         "Is she gonna be okay?" Ray asked anxiously as Fraser digested the information with a heavy thudding in his chest.   
         "Sure, another few days she'll be back to work, she just doesn't want anyone else to catch her germs, y'know?" Raul assured and Ray sighed in relief, he really was fond of the pretty young therapist, then glanced at Fraser who had grown very quiet. "That's good, hey, Benny, that Jill will get better soon?"   
        "Y...yes Ray." Fraser replied lowering his eyes for a brief moment, before gazing up at Raul from his perch on his bed. "I...I don't feel up to therapy today, Raul. Would it be okay save it for later?"   
         "Sure." Raul agreed easily. "You've been workin' pretty hard, you deserve a break. Besides I hear you'll be outta here in a couple of days, way to go."   
         "Thank you kindly." Fraser returned still quiet. "It will be...a relief to be outside again." Raul nodded and waved as he headed out. Ray was still watching his friend quietly.   
         "Are you okay, Benny?' he asked concerned and the Mountie nodded as he lay back on his bed.   
         "I am just tired, Ray." He explained as he tried not to think of Jill Kennedy walking home in weather that no doubt chilled her right through the bone, all because of his stupidity. He had selfishly assumed she was angry with him, but it had not been about him at all, she had been too ill to even come to work because of his foolish trip to the pool after hours. He would make it up to her, he had to.   
  

         "You sure about this, Fraser?" Ray asked as he pulled his green Buick Rivera into the driveway of a modest split level home just a couple of miles from the hospital where they had been discharged the day before. Jill Kennedy's address had been listed on the case files involving Dr. Carter, because of her help in sniffing out the criminal situation happening from the window opposite Fraser's own room.   
         "I am, Ray." Fraser assured as he swung open the door and removed the sack that he had placed in the back after telling Diefenbaker to stay. "I appreciate you looking after Dief, Miss. Kennedy owns a cat and I do not know how it would get on with a wolf."   
         "No problem, Fraser." Ray assured calmly. "You call me if you need anything, okay?" Fraser nodded. "And remember, one week, then we're headed for Canada to fix up your Dad's cabin." Fraser smiled, for that was all the detective seemed to speak about the past few weeks.   
         "I look forward to it, Ray." He promised then shut the door and waved as the detective drove off.   
        He was half tempted to ask the Italian to wait, in case Jill decided to tell him to go to hell and wouldn't allow him inside the door, but he figured it was all or nothing at this point. He moved up the curving cobblestone walk and pressed the doorbell. After a few minutes, when there was no answer he pressed it again, just as a voice called from behind the door.   
         "I'm not interested." Jill's husky voice warned. "I have a vacuum cleaner, I use the same cleaners my mother used and my house isn't paid for so I'm not improving on it. Now go away." Fraser cleared his throat.   
         "Miss. Kennedy." He returned. "It's Constable Fraser, from the hospital. I heard you were ill and I..." The door opened and he was suddenly face to face with the pretty blond therapist. She was bundled in a long blue terry cloth robe and white furry slippers in the shape of bear claws. Her eyes were bloodshot and hollowed from lack of sleep, her nose red, no doubt from blowing it so often, her lips slightly swollen and her skin flushed an unhealthy shade of pink. Fraser thought she looked beautiful.   
         "They finally let you out did they?" she asked, her voice much raspier then when he had first heard it.   
         "I...Raul told me that you were ill and I...well I..." He tugged on his ear and shuffled his feet nervously, the muscles in his thighs and biceps rippling against the worn denim of his jeans and soft blue flannel shirt. "I...I wanted to apologize for causing your affliction." She stared up at him with watery blue eyes and blinked a few times.   
         "I...I'm sorry, what did you say?" she asked obviously feeling slightly dazed.    "You're sorry for making me sick? You didn't make me sick, Fraser I walked home with wet clothes on."   
         "Yes, however your clothes would not have been wet had I not prompted you to dive into the pool after me." He reasoned. "I deeply regret my actions and I..."   
         "Come in here, you big dope." She smiled grabbing his arm and pulling him inside, just as a bout of sneezing hit her and she quickly made use of the tissues in her hand. Finally she cleared her sinuses again and weakly shoved the door closed. "I was the dummy that walked home without getting some dry clothes. I...I don't know why I did, I just didn't think about it. I left you and went home, I guess I was a little, well muddled in my thinking, when I should have borrowed some clothes or caught a cab." She patted his arm then encouraged him to follow her into the sitting room, where she had a pile of blankets and pillows layering the long, comfortable looking sofa.   
         "I still feel responsible." Fraser admitted as she kicked off her slippers and settled back on her bed. He automatically helped pull the covers back around her and she smiled up at him. "A...are you still angry with me?"   
         "Hell yes." She retorted without hesitation and watched him flinch, before she reached out at captured his hand in hers. "But I'll get over it." She watched the shadow of a smile play across his lips as she remembered the feel of those wonderful lips on hers and felt a blush rise up over her already flushed cheeks.   
         "I...I thought perhaps, since you assisted me on my recovery that...well that..." his voice tapered off as she watched his eyes dart around nervously. "That is to say that I would be grateful if you...well allowed me to return the favor."   
         "You want to play nursemaid to me Fraser?" she inquired lightly and he blushed.   
         "Well, in...in a manner of speaking yes." He admitted.  "I...I would like to help you however I can while...while you are ill." She smiled and her eyes twinkled in their usual way.   
         "That's very sweet of you." She assured. "But wouldn't that be over stepping the boundaries of patient and therapist?" Fraser lowered his eyes and remained silent for a long moment before raising them again to speak.   
        "I...I believe we have already crossed that threshold...a...awhile ago, don't you?" he commented shyly. "I...I believe we have...I would like to think we have become...friends." There was such sincerity and uncertainty in his voice Jill couldn't bring herself to tease him further. She reached out and placed her palm against his pale cheek.   
         "I think you are a remarkably intuitive man, Constable Fraser." She offered kindly and he allowed himself a small smile of relief that she had not rejected his offer. "I would be honored to be considered your friend." His smile grew and a sparkle of happiness surfaced in his cerulean eyes. Jill would accept his friend ship, and perhaps later, that would grow into something more meaningful for them both.   
  

    
         Benton Fraser was trapped and his mind reeled at how he managed to get himself into these situations. The woman in the slinky dress and drenched in expensive perfume from the Consulate's reception had cornered him in his tiny office and now he had no where to go and no way to save himself from her attentions without appearing incredibly rude. He had seen her eyeing him all evening, and though Fraser usually tried to appear oblivious to the stares and wanton gestures he received from most women, he was neither stupid or I as naive as others perceived him to be. He knew this woman was looking at him to be the appetizer in her main course.   
          The brunette was an acquaintance of his superior and she had latched herself onto Fraser from the moment she had walked over into Canada. Fraser had tried every possible polite way of dissuading her advances, then finally he had seen his chance when one of the other guests pulled her away to meet a friend of theirs. Fraser knew he shouldn't leave the reception, but he was frankly very tired of getting pawed and stared at, so he sneaked out of the large ballroom and retreated to his office. However the other woman must have seen him leave and she found his hiding place, slipping inside and closing the door behind her, with her body leaned against it provocatively.   
         "There you are beautiful." She purred. "Alone at last, what a great idea."   
         "I...I believe you should probably return to the reception, Ms. Dorchester." He suggested, keeping his desk between them as he stayed firmly behind it. "You will be missed and..."   
         "Who cares?" she tossed moving off the door and advancing on him. "It's much more fun in here with you, I'm sure." Fraser countered her movements, trying to keep as much distance between them as possible.   
         "Ms. Dorchester I am afraid I must insist that you return to the reception." He tried again; finding himself blocked in between her, the desk and the file cabinet.  "I have work that I must finish and...." His words were ripped from him s she threw herself at him and claimed his mouth for her own.  Fraser's hands remained at his sides, though the urge to push her away was a strong one, as he became passive.   
         "I have something else for you to attend to, Constable." She decided suggestively as her hand went around behind him to pinch his behind for the second time that evening.   
         "I...I am on duty, Ma'am I cannot possibly..." But again his words were silenced. Oh Dear! This was getting out of hand, he thought, just as he found himself being twisted around suddenly and practically lying across his desk, all that was on it scattering to the floor. "I...I really don't..." he tried again as he started to slide backwards across the desk, even as she was hiking up her dress and crawling over him.   
         "Hey!" a voice called from the doorway, startling the woman.   
         "Thank God!" Fraser muttered as he took the opportunity to roll out from under her and rise quickly yet unsteadily to his feet. He was surprised to see Jill Kennedy standing in the doorway of his office, her hands on her hips her eyes flashing defiantly as she glared at the flustered woman who was now climbing down off the desk and trying to return order to her clothing.   
         "No means, no, lady." She informed the socialite coldly. "If you want it that bad, try fifth and main, they charge by the hour." Ms. Dorchester gasped and hurried out of the office. Jill closed the door firmly and leaned against it grinning at the flustered Mountie. "What am I going to do with you, Ben? Is trouble just attracted to you or what?"   
         "Among other things unfortunately." Fraser admitted ruefully as he attempted to straighten his tunic and hair. She walked over to him and reached up to straighten his lanyard for him, smoothing her hands over the length of his tunic and then popping one dark curl that had fallen across his forehead back in it's place.   
         "There, all better." She decided, then pulled a tissue from the box on his desk and gently moved it across his lips to remove the other woman's lipstick. "You're going to have to learn to be firm, Ben, I won't always be here to protect your virtue." Fraser blushed, both from her attention and her teasing, but he was slowly becoming accustomed to the woman's boldness. Ray had once said she laid her cards on the table and that he admired her for it. Fraser preferred that, though she was straightforward, she was not nearly as domineering as some of the American females he had encountered.   
         "Thank you kindly, Jill." He returned offering her a small smile. "I will endeavor to proclaim my insistence with more determination. I just wish that I were not..."   
         "Looked at like a piece of filet minion?" she offered and he blushed, then nodded. "Well, I have to admit, you are definitely prime rib material, Ben, but allowing these women to get away with trying to devour you just isn't the way to handle it."   
         "I...I don't..." he began. "I do try and dissuade them, truly, for I am not the least bit interested in their attentions and..."   
         "Not at all interested?" she mocked and he blushed again.   
          "Many of them are very beautiful." He supplied reluctantly. "But they are simply too aggressive and that only serves to..."   
         "Turn you off?" she asked and Fraser sighed, she had developed a habit of finishing his sentences and it would be annoying except she almost always chose the correct word or phrase.   
         "Something like that." He allowed and she chuckled, then reached up to give him a hug.   
         "What does turn you on then, Ben?" she whispered in his ear.   
         "Don't start." He growled, though he was already half smiling, oh how she loved to tease him. "I am not having a particularly good day."   
         "Then you need a break." She confirmed and took his hand in hers. "Let's go pick up a pizza and head for my place."   
         "I...I cannot!" he refused. "The reception is not yet finished and I..."   
         "Why is it you can say no to me so easily and not to the vixens that hang all over you?" she demanded suddenly. "Perhaps if I try to molest you you'd be more congenial."   
         "Please, don't even think that." He rushed. "It is not that I do not want to go with you, but I have responsibilities here and..."   
         "What time is this shindig over then?"   
         "In another hour or so." He assured glancing at his watch.   
         "Will you come by my place in an hour or so then?" she asked.   
         "Yes, I would like that." He agreed and she was all smiles again.   
  

         Fraser arrived at Jill's house an hour and forty-five minutes later and was quickly admitted so she could hurry back to the kitchen and check on her meal. She decided to make a pasta dish and she was glad the Mountie had been running a little late, for now the meal was just about ready. Diefenbaker trotted in on his heels after a quick lick to Barney, whom he had decided, was quite all right for a cat.   
         "It smells wonderful." He commented as he bent to offer Barney an affectionate stroke, as the cat twirled about his legs, then headed into the kitchen. "May I help?"   
         "Everything's done." She assured as she pulled a chair over to one of the cupboards and stood on it. "I just have to get my..." She was reaching in the back of the cupboard when the chair slipped from under her and Fraser automatically moved to catch her. She grinned at him sheepishly as her hand gripped the bottle of spice, noticing he didn't put her down right away.   
         "Are you alright?" he asked concerned and she wrapped her arms around his neck and snuggled into his shoulder.   
         "I am now." She sighed dramatically and he immediately dropped her on her feet.   
         "You are incorrigible." He decided with a rueful grin, for he had grown accustomed to her teasing after their many weeks spent together.   
         When he and Ray had returned from their trip to Canada, he had let her know immediately that they were back in town.  She had invited Fraser and the detective over for dinner and they filled her in on their adventure. He told her all about the plane crash and being blind and paralyzed for a time, having to rely on Ray to get him through.   
        Fraser's telling of the tale was excited and detailed, interrupted occasionally by Ray's complaints of all he had to endure. No water, no food, having to eat things he usually wouldn't even consider stepping on, let alone putting into his stomach. Having to carry Fraser through the forest on his shoulders, listening to his delirious suggestions and being called Steve more than once. But there was a fondness in Vecchio's tone that told Jill he really hadn't minded any of it at all and would do it all over again for Fraser.   
         Fraser and Ray got in the habit of calling her regularly or stopping by after a hard day's work. Jill had never seen two men so close as they obviously were and she was slowly becoming dependent on their continued visits. She had not allowed herself to get truly close to someone in several years, despite her friendly manner with her patients. Those relationships almost always ended the day they no longer required therapy.   
         Fraser hadn't needed therapy in several weeks yet they continued to see each other, as had Ray Vecchio. The three often sat around in her living room, on her patio, or in her Jacuzzi; Ray's favorite spot, for hours trading stories about memorable patients and crime cases. She was equally flirtatious with both men, which seemed to make Fraser more comfortable then he would normally be about her teasing, though she suspected Vecchio knew she was deliberately trying to cover her tracks to keep the Mountie from guessing her true feelings and scaring him away.   
         "Why don't you call Ray and see if he wants to come by for a soak?" she suggested stepping away from him before he guessed what she was thinking. She thought she saw a flicker of annoyance in his eyes, but it vanished so quickly she could not even be certain it was truly there.   
         "Certainly." He agreed moving to the phone on her wall by the entranceway. He dialed his partner's cell phone and it was answered on the third ring.   
         "Vecchio." He snapped and Fraser flinched startled.   
         "Ray?" he asked hesitantly and thee detective's tone immediately became warmer.   
         "Hey, Benny, what's goin' on? I stopped by the consulate and they told me you had already left for the evening."   
         "My apologies, Ray." Fraser offered dutifully as he watched Jill stir her sauce to the beat of pop song on the small radio beside her. "I was tied up at the consulate and then Jill invited me over for dinner. We were wondering if you would care to join us?"   
         "Can't make it for dinner, Benny." Ray declined. "But I'll be by later if that's okay, maybe in a couple of hours or so?"   
         "One moment, Ray." Fraser requested as he held his hand over the mouthpiece and repeated to Jill what his partner had said.   
         "You tell that handsome hunk of man that he'd better not keep us waiting any more than that or he'll really need therapy." She retorted loudly and Fraser made to convey her thoughts to Ray only to hear the Italian chuckling merrily.   
         "I heard her." He informed. "I'll be there around eight or so, no later. I gotta go, Fraser I'll see you guys shortly."   
         "Certainly, Ray." Fraser agreed then said goodbye and hung up. When he turned back to Jill she had already placed their dinners on the small picnic style table set up in the corner of her kitchen. She had already set a bowl on the floor for the wolf and Barney was perched on her shelf with his own food.   
         "Let's eat." She encouraged. Fraser smiled and settled beside her.   
  

         Fraser heard the back door of Jill's patio open and looked around to watch Ray Vecchio walk in. They had left it unlocked, knowing the detective would be joining them soon. He grinned, petted Dief and Barney for a few brief seconds then moved over to the bubbling tub that held the Mountie and Jill.   
         "You're late." Jill accused, though her eyes danced merrily.   
         "I know, I got caught up." Ray sighed as he leaned against the tub; he still wore his expensive suit from work. "I can't stay long either, I have to get back, but I knew if I didn't at lest show you'd break my legs."   
         "Why must you rush off, Ray?" Fraser asked curious. "Are you working on a case?"   
         "No." Ray returned calmly. "Ma's got relatives in town and I promised I wouldn't make myself scarce, as much as I'd like to. She wants you to stop by tomorrow if you can, Benny."   
         "Certainly Ray." Fraser agreed readily as Jill reached for her glass of cider, she also did not drink.   
         "Don't you have time for a soak at least?" she asked.   
         "If I got in there right now, I may not get out for hours." He assured with a grin.   
         "Are you very tired, Ray?" Fraser asked concerned. "Perhaps it would do you good."   
         "It's not that I'm tired, Benny." The detective returned as he winked at Jill. "It's the company I'd rather have as opposed to my weird relatives."   
         "Flirt." Jill tossed.   
         "Tease." Ray returned.   
         "Torment."   
         "Vixen."   
         "Meanie."   
         "Nag."   
         "Pig."   
         "Shrew."   
         "Weasel."   
         "Witch."   
         "Loves ya."   
         "Ditto." Ray laughed as Fraser watched the familiar exchange with a rueful smile. "Seriously though, I wish I could stay, but I promised I'd get back reasonably quick. Save my place for later, Sunday maybe? They'll be gone by then." Jill smiled and nodded.   
         "It will be here." She assured and he kissed her cheek affectionately.   
         "Thanks honey."   
         "Your welcome sweetheart." She retorted playfully and watched the detective kiss Fraser's cheek as well, causing the Mountie to blush in surprise.   
         "You too darlin'." Ray teased and Fraser splashed him. He jumped back chuckling, then waved, reminding them to come and lock the door after them. Fraser rose and followed him out to do just that, then returned to the tub.   
         "He was in a silly mood." Jill remarked still smiling as Fraser settled in the hot, soothing water across from her.   
         "Ray loves his family very much, despite his continued complaints about them." Fraser replied as he glanced up at the stars above them. "It is one of the things I admire most about him." Jill regarded him silently for a moment.   
         "You said you don't have any family left, didn't you, Ben?" she asked suddenly and Fraser nodded after only a moment's hesitation, surprised by her question.   
          He had informed her of that fact awhile ago, and she never pressed it. Despite her familiarity at the hospital, she seemed reluctant to get truly personal now that they had become friends. He knew she appreciated any information he offered, yet she never countered with much of her own. Jill was still very much a mystery to him and he wished she would open up a little more to him. He knew he had his own problem with confiding in another, especially since Victoria, but Jill was amazingly easy to talk to, except when it came to discussing herself.   
             "Do you have any family, Jill?" he asked, his conscience niggling him for prying, but they had known each other almost three months now, surely he should know something of her background. There were no family pictures in her home, at least none that he could find, only those of animals or scenic views. Of course he had not been everywhere in her home, she my have pictures in her bedroom or somewhere else on the upper level where he had rarely ventured.   
         "No." she replied getting a far away look in her eyes and Fraser hoped she was finally going to elaborate, but she didn't. Immediately he prompted her, his curiosity getting the better of him.   
         "What happened to them?"   
         "I don't know." She replied calmly. "I don't have any memory of them."   
         "Were you an orphan?" he inquired and she shrugged.   
         "In a manner of speaking." She returned twirling the cider round and round in her wineglass by the stem. "I woke up one day on Kennedy Blvd in Dallas Texas. They estimated I was somewhere between thirteen and fifteen at the time. I had no identification and no memory of who I was or how I got there. I was seated at a bus stop, with nothing but the clothes on my back and twelve dollars in my pocket. They did some research, checked missing persons and the like and came up with nothing that would give me a clue as to who I really was."   
         "How awful." Fraser offered shaking his head. "You must have been terrified." Jill nodded.   
         "The woman I asked for help told me how to get to the hospital, once there a nurse named Jillian Monroe took care of me. I borrowed her first name and used Kennedy as my last since that was where I was found."   
          Fraser listened quietly to her tale trying not to show his distress. How awful it must have been to not know who you were; it must be the most frightening thing imaginable. He concentrated on her words as she continued she finally seemed willing to let him in and he was glad.   
         "They tried to find out who I was, but nothing ever came of it. No one reported a missing person fitting my description and though they flooded the televisions and newspapers with my face no one ever came forward." She shrugged and sipped her drink. "Anyway, I stayed with Jillian for a couple of years and then I fell...well I thought it was love anyway, with this guy named Jeremy Styles. He was twenty and he seemed convinced that he knew who I was, so I decided more with my heart then my head I think, to believe him." She grew quiet and Fraser was prompted to speak.   
         "Did he know your true identity?" he asked intrigued and watched her shake her head sadly.   
         "He was a con artist." She sighed. "He whined me and dined me and did and said all the things a young girl in love longs to hear, but he had an ulterior motive. He was trying to pass me off as some wealthy businessman's daughter, A Jacob Masterson, whose daughter Amber had disappeared when she was about twelve. I tried to tell him that it couldn't possibly be me because when I was found I was older, but he reasoned that I may have been kidnapped before that and just not remembered it."   
         Fraser scowled, imagining the way the man named Jeremy had managed to manipulate a young, frightened girl who searched for her own identity into some one he could use for his own benefit. It angered him that Jill had been used like that, preyed upon because she couldn't remember.   
         "So, anyway," she began again. "I listened to him. I tried to memorize all the facts he told me of the other girl, insisting that they were my memories I just couldn't recall them. There was a distinct similarity between myself and Mr. Masterson's daughter Amber, I couldn't deny that, and I found myself remembering things as well, though whether they were my memories or ones Jeremy planted I wasn't sure."   
         "So it was possible that you were indeed Jacob Masterson's daughter then?' Fraser pressed and she shrugged.   
         "I think there might have been, but it was all over shadowed by Jeremy's greed." She explained. "He wanted Masterson to admit I was his daughter, and I have to admit we had the old guy going good for awhile. He was ready to claim me as his own, move me back into his huge mansion, put me back in his will, all the stuff you would do when finding a long lost daughter." She smiled ruefully. "I was ecstatic, because I think that Jeremy had managed to convince me as well that I was Amber Masterson and the idea that I finally had a home after so long was a dream come true. Jacob Masterson was kind and loving and generous to a fault, his wife, actually his second and not Amber's biological mother, was also very nice. They had no other children so I guess they accepted me much more readily."   
         "What happened?" Fraser asked quietly, understanding how difficult it must be for her to discuss such a hurtful past. Now he understood some of what she had said to him that night at the pool, about not allowing people to have such power over you, as Victoria had claimed on him. Jill truly understood how ashamed and hurtful it was to be duped by someone you loved.   
         "Well, I was in seventh heaven of course, I had a family, I had a fiancé, I had a home and all the things I could ever desire and more." Jill continued as a dark, sad look crested her pretty features. "Then I over heard Jeremy on the phone one day, talking to one of his associates. They were laughing at how easily their plan had worked and how once Jeremy and I were married he'd have control of more money then he had ever wished for." Jill lowered her eyes and her lower lip trembled slightly. "He called me the shrew and made terrible comments about how difficult it was to continue with the charade of being in love with me. I found out later that the person he was talking to was actually his lover and they had panned everything together."   
         "You must have been very angry." Fraser decided quietly, trying to quell his own rage at Jeremy for having hurt Jill so.   
         "I was more like devastated." She admitted. "I realized that, I didn't really care that Jeremy had a lover or that he wasn't really in love with me, because I had started to realize I was only infatuated with him, well, more with his lies than the man himself. What hurt was that I realized I was part of hat lie and that I wasn't really Jacob Masterson's daughter, that was the most terrible thing of all."   
         "Did you confront him?" Fraser asked and she nodded.   
         "Oh, you bet I did, I went ballistic." She grinned ruefully. 'Considering Jeremy had never even heard me raise my voice, he was more than a little intimated I think. I told him I was going to tell Mr. Masterson everything, all about his scheme and his attempt to get money from a man who wasn't even my father. He threatened that if I said a word he would tell Masterson and the police that I had been in on it the entire time and that I would end up going to jail as well." She shrugged. "I was scared, I knew that I had allowed Jeremy to fill my head with lies just so I could find my identity, and once I met Jacob Masterson I felt such a deep connection with him that I couldn't help wanting him to be my real father. I allowed my judgement and my common sense to be corrupted by Jeremy's pretty words and handsome face, so I felt just as responsible for the lies we had spun."   
         "You were not responsible." Fraser protested. "You were young and scared. He took advantage of that."   
         "I let him take advantage." She insisted. "I felt so alone in the world, so different from everyone and he became my anchor. He offered me kindness, understanding and hope when I had none and I snatched up without even thinking of the consequences." Fraser lowered his eyes, thinking how similar his situation with Victoria had been. Perhaps Jill did know what he was going through, it seemed she had been there herself.   
         "We all search for...acceptance in others." He offered raising his eyes to hers again. "You were not at fault for taking Jeremy's kindness at face value, anyone would have done the same. He took advantage of your vulnerability and you probably felt incredibly naive to have allowed him to put you in that position but it was his doing not yours. You must never blame yourself for the actions of others, Jill." Jill regarded him quietly then slid over next to him, setting her drink off to the side.   
         "Is that what happened to you, Ben?" she asked softly reaching under the water and grasping his large hand in hers. "You were taken advantage of because you were lonely?" Fraser shook his head.   
         "My situation was different." He denied quickly. "I was fully aware of the consequences of my actions and I also understood the type of person Vi...I mean I had a suspicion of the darkness inside her, I just didn't calculate her motives as appropriately as I should have."   
         "Because you loved her." Jill supplied and was only mildly surprised when he pulled from her grasp and stood up out of the tub and reached for his towel.   
         "I believe I have been in long enough." He decided stepping out onto the patio and quickly drying off . Jill frowned and folded her arms over the edge, resting her chin on them.   
         "How is my situation different, Ben?" she pressed. "We were both duped and betrayed by people we cared about, how are they not the same?" At first Fraser remained silent, his back to her and she reached out to touch the scar on his lower back in a feather light caress, watching his body grow rigid.   
         "Jeremy did not attempt to ruin your best friend or frame you for murder, while sharing your bed at the same time, Jill." He stated coldly, still not turning to look at her. Jill pulled her hand away.   
         "No." she agreed. "He just tried to convince me I was someone else's daughter so he could get his hands on a lot of money, only to rip away all my hopes and dreams when I discovered his true motives." She glared at him, angry that he refused to see the connection or share his troubles as she had. "He gave me a life only to snatch it away again, Ben. He instilled a fear inside of me that kept me running for years, that still has me running for God's sake! I can't trust people, I can't allow myself to fall in love with anyone, and I have given up all hope of ever discovering who I truly am because of the shame I feel of what we did to Jacob Masterson." She rose and slipped from the tub, wrapping her towel around her, her entire body shaking with barely concealed fury as she turned cold green eyes on him. "You are no different from anyone else who has been hurt or betrayed, Benton Fraser, you just prefer to punish yourself a little more than most. Well, play the martyr, drown yourself in self pity to keep from feeling anything real, but don't you dare assume you are the only person who has ever felt pain or grief or even stupidly over what you have done. That doesn't make you morally above everyone else, it only means you're one hell of a selfish bastard" With that she turned on her heel and stormed into the house.   
         Fraser watched her go, stunned. He had not expected her anger, yet he realized he had deserved it. By shutting her out and refusing to compare Victoria with Jeremy, he had effectively belittled her own experience and that had been wrong. She had opened herself up to him finally and he threw it back in her face as unimportant, proclaiming his own grief and hurt was more substantial than hers was. Jill was right; he was a selfish bastard, how could he have been so blind? He dropped the towel, stepped over Diefenbaker lounging beside the tub and headed after her. He had to make her understand. He hadn't meant to hurt her, he simply was averse to discussing Victoria with anyone. He climbed the stairs and searched for her, pausing beside a closed door just off the landing.   
         "Jill?" he called quietly as he knocked on the bedroom door. He received no response. "Jill, please. I...I am sorry for what I said I...I did not mean to make your...I know that you have been hurt as well and I did not mean to diminish that." Still no answer, though he could hear movement inside the room and assumed she was dressing.   
         He leaned his forehead against the door wearily, when would he learn to consider his words more carefully? He was usually very good at not appearing rude or obnoxious, but with Jill his emotions always got the better of him and he ended up saying things he would never consider saying to anyone else.   
         "Jill?" he called again. "W...would you like me to leave?" After a long pause, when she still hadn't answered him he assumed she was refusing to comment so that he would indeed go away, but then her quiet voice hailed from the other side of the door.   
         "Do you want to leave?" she asked him, with not the slightest inflection in her voice, giving him now clue if she preferred his presence either way. Fraser did want to leave, the urge to run from any kind of emotional confrontation had been instilled in him long ago, but he knew if he did leave, he may not be asked to return.   
         "No." he finally admitted and realized it was the truth. He never wanted to leave Jill Kennedy, not now ever, and the discovery of this new decision frightened him. Was he falling in love with her? How could that be? He had done everything he could to close off that part of him after Victoria.   
         "She's not like the other one, son." Robert Fraser insisted and Fraser jumped startled as he turned to watch his father carefully walked the rail of the stairway as though he were a tightrope walker. "She's a good girl, a lot like you I think. You'd both make fine children."   
         "If you don't mind." Fraser growled at him. "I did not ask for your advice."   
         "I don't mind atol, son." Fraser Sr. assured. "And if you didn't want my opinion then why am I here?" Fraser closed his eyes and pinched his nose to quell the headache rising between his eyes.   
         "I keep asking myself that very question, Dad." He muttered. "All I can come up with is that you enjoy punishing me."   
         "Nonsense, Son." Robert Fraser rebuked as his arms flailed dramatically to keep his balance, only to have his body shift and slip form the rail. Fraser automatically ran to look over the stairwell as his Father dropped below, but his father was no longer then. He let out a startled cry as he heard a voice directly behind him. "Made you look."   
         "Do you delight in scaring me?" he demanded angrily of his father. Fraser Sr. simply shrugged.   
         "It's a living." He returned ignoring the deathly stare his son gave him as Jill's door opened and she stood there staring at him concerned. She had changed into jeans and a tee shirt.   
         "Who are you talking to?" she inquired confused as she glanced around and Fraser shook his head to find that his Father had once again disappeared.   
        "I...no one...myself." he replied rubbing his forehead impatiently, then meeting her troubled gaze. "I...I truly am sorry for what I said." She nodded and lowered her eyes.   
         "Why don't you go change and I'll fix us some popcorn for the movie?" she suggested moving toward the stairs. She had rented a couple of movies for them to watch after the soak in the tub and now seemed as good a time as any. Fraser caught her arm and she turned toward him.   
         "Can you forgive me for being a ...selfish bastard?" he inquired softly and she regarded him for a long moment, before reaching up and pressing her lips to his in a brief kiss.   
         "I'll think about it." She allowed then headed down stairs. Fraser stared after her until she disappeared into the kitchen, then slowly walked toward the bathroom where he had left his clothing.   
  

         Fraser walked into the 27th precinct and stopped in front of his partner's desk. His conversation with Jill two nights ago continued to play inside his head and he finally decided to ask Ray a favor.   
         "Hey Benny." Vecchio greeted as he returned from wherever he had gone to retrieve the file he now held. "What's happening?"   
         "I was wondering if I might ask a favor of you, Ray." Fraser inquired as he set his Stetson on the desk and automatically pulled down on his red serge tunic to straighten it.   
         "Depends on the favor, Fraser." Ray returned grinning, though he had never refused the Mountie anything as of yet.   
         "Well, it is actually a favor for Jill, Ray."   
         "In that case you got it." Ray returned easily. "Whatcha need?" Fraser handed him the piece of paper he held in his hand.   
         "I was wondering if you could possibly find out all you could on those two men." Fraser requested as Vecchio scanned the sheet.   
         "What'd they do?"   
         "Oh, nothing," Fraser assured quickly, then quickly recalled that might not be completely true. "At least nothing I am privy to. I simply wished to know more about them, perhaps get a telephone number or an address. I believe they may still reside in Texas."   
         "What's this for, Fraser?' Ray asked curious. "Are these patients of Jill's or something?" Fraser was unwilling to divulge too much without Jill's consent, even to Ray.   
         "No, they are people that she once knew and may have...information she could use." He explained. "It does not involve a police matter, but I thought perhaps with your connections you could..."   
         "Sure thing, Benny." Ray returned calmly as he called to the civilian aid that passed by them. "Hey Elaine, can you give me a background check on these guys?" Elaine took the sheet and scowled at him.   
         "What did they do?" she mimicked Ray's earlier question.   
         "Nothing." Ray replied. "As a favor to me." He smiled his best smile but Elaine was immune and simply stared back, until he sighed. "Okay, it's a favor for Fraser, then." She smiled and nodded.   
         "Right away." she assured walking off after batting her lashes slightly at the tall Mountie beside her. Ray griped about getting better help around the station as he bent to pet Dief who had wandered in with the Canadian and was now settled at his feet.   
         "Thank you kindly Elaine." Fraser called after her and she turned and waved before continuing to her desk. "Thank you, Ray. I appreciate your help."   
         "Sure thing, Fraser." Ray assured as he retrieved his keys from his pocket and signed out on the board behind him. "Hungry?"   
         "I could eat something, yes." Fraser agreed, since it was lunchtime Dief barked and rose excitedly. "He wasn't talking to you." Fraser admonished the wolf with little effect.   
         "Let's grab some chow at Julio's then I'll fill ya in on our new case." Ray stated as they headed out of the squadroom and down the steps.   
         "Sounds good, Ray." Fraser agreed. They stepped out into the sunshine and headed for the Rivera parked a few feet away.   
         "How's things going with my favorite therapist, anyway?" Ray asked once they were seated in the vehicle and pulling out of the lot.   
         "Fine as far as I know, Ray." Fraser returned calmly. "You saw her Friday."   
         "Yah, but that was only for a few minutes." Ray insisted. "I've been so busy with work and home I haven't had a chance to get over there more often, I miss her." He watched for any kind of reaction from Fraser but found none. "Maybe I'll ask her out to dinner this week. You know, just the two of us, a nice romantic restaurant, soft music, maybe dancing afterwards. What do you think, Fraser?"   
         "I am sure she would enjoy that, Ray." Fraser returned calmly and Ray frowned. This wasn't working. He knew Fraser was hung up on Jill Kennedy, the stubborn Mountie was just refusing to admit it. So, Ray decided to give him a little push.   
         "Yah, maybe that's what I'll do then." He decided. "A night in my charming company how can she possibly resist, right Benny?"   
         "Right you are, Ray." Fraser returned as he glanced out the passenger side window at the passing traffic.   
         "Fraser?"   
         'Yes, Ray?"   
         "Are you really gonna let me wine and dine Jill?" he asked frustrated. "I've got a pretty fast reputation with the ladies, Benny, aren't you worried I'll corrupt her virtue or something?"   
         "I am sure you will be a perfect gentleman, Ray." Fraser assured. "I have never seen you be anything but polite and charming with your female companions." Ray released an agitated sigh.   
         "Don't you care that I might wanna get romantic with her, Fraser?" he demanded and Fraser again turned toward the window, as though he had found something fascinating to gaze at.   
         "I am glad that you are fond of her, Ray." He stated calmly. "You both would make a handsome couple and since you are both my friends I am eager for you to be happy." Ray stared at him as though the Mountie had suddenly grown a second head.   
         "Don't you care about her, Fraser?" he asked.   
         "Of course I do, Ray." Fraser returned glancing back at his partner. "I care for you both very much."   
         "That's not what I mean, Fraser!" Ray exclaimed as a horn sounded behind him and he realized he was sitting at a green light. The fact that Fraser had not pointed the traffic violation out to him caused him to believe the Mountie wasn't as unruffled as he appeared to be. He proceeded through and cast a quick glance toward his partner, a smile curling his lips.   
         "What do you mean, Ray?" Fraser asked and Ray noticed that his friend was sitting more rigidly then normal and there was a noticeable pulse showing along his tightened jaw. Aha, we have lift off he grinned to himself.   
         "I mean if I thought you liked Jill...well, more than just a friend I mean, I would back off." He stated calmly enjoying himself more now that he knew the Canadian was indeed become jealous. "But since you don't and yer practically giving me the green light, I think I will ask her out."   
         "I am sure she will accept, Ray." Fraser replied easily. "If she is not to tired from her therapy sessions. That does take a lot of her energy and I do not know if she would be up to dancing afterwards." Ray bit his lip to keep from laughing aloud. Pretty slick Fraser, you're not as dumb as you pretend to be.   
         "Then we'll just go to dinner." Ray decided betraying none of his amusement.    "Maybe we'll just snuggle up at her place later, y'know, get in the Jacuzzi, soak our troubles away, maybe neck a little."   
         "I doubt that Jill is the type of woman to kiss on the first date, Ray." Fraser opted. "Or...neck for that matter." Ray again held back his smile once again at Fraser's pause over the love making term.   
         "Well, not for a regular date no." Ray agreed. "But she knows me, we're friends too, so I could probably get to first base pretty easily, don't you think?"   
         "I think we should find a more appropriate topic to discuss, Ray." Fraser insisted as a flush crowned his cheeks. "Your intentions toward Jill Kennedy, however honorable, are really none of my business."   
         "Sure Fraser." Ray agreed as he imagined a football being carried over the goal line and thrown to the ground victoriously. Touch down! 

    
        Ray did indeed take Jill out several times over the following weeks and Fraser suffered quietly through it. He consoled himself with the fact that he was doing something to help Jill by finding her true identity. Elaine had retrieved the information Fraser had requested and the Mountie had already spoken to Jeremy Styles, who was serving time in a Florida prison for embezzlement and fraud. Fraser had flown down there specifically to speak with him and had understood Jill's attraction to the younger man.   
         Jeremy was a tall, roguishly handsome, with light brown hair and deep hazel eye. He reminded Fraser of an actor that he once saw on a television show that Ray's nephews enjoyed called the A-Team. Jeremy looked very much like the con artist named Face on that series, and he exuded a charm and friendliness that caused people to immediately trust him. Fraser himself found Jeremy to be very likable, though he knew of the man's past with Jill.   
         He had questioned Jeremy at length about Jill Kennedy, how the younger man had first plotted out the connection of the young amnesia victim to Jacob Masterson. Jeremy was eager to talk and Fraser suspected the con man might have been carrying the guilt of what he had done to Jill around for some time. His obvious remorse carried in his words as he told Fraser all that he knew.   
         He had known about Amber Masterson's disappearance a long time ago and Jill was the first person he had come upon that could so easily have matched the other woman's description. He admitted to charming Jill into believing herself to being Amber so he could marry her and get his hands on the Masterson's wealth. He instructed her on all the things he knew of the missing heiress and Jill had studied hard to remember them all, yet he found that Jill seemed to know more than what he had told her.   
         At first he suspected it was just a coincidence, but then he started to believe that Jill really might be Amber Masterson. He had been torn between his growing affection for her, his love for Rita, the woman that was helping him with his scheme, and the idea that what had started out as a charade was turning out to be a possible truth. Then Jill had over heard his phone conversation with Rita and went crazy. Screaming that she was going to go to Masterson and have Jeremy arrested for fraud. Jeremy hadn't been able to see past his own anger and resentment, though he knew all the things she accused him of were true and he also finally realized how much his scheme had hurt her.   
         He had warned her that he'd take her down with him if she ratted him out, expecting that she would just keep her mouth shut for her own sake, but Jill Kennedy was through being his puppet. Instead of telling Masterson or the police what they had done and rather than live in the lie they had perpetrated she ran off the next day. She had left a note for Jacob, telling him that as much as she wanted to be Amber, she was not his daughter, which had devastated the older man. But she spun a tale of how she remembered who she really was and that she was no relation to him at all and that she hoped he found his real daughter some day. But Jill had never remembered and she couldn't willingly hurt the man she had desperately wanted to be her real father, so she also told him that should Amber ever return she would be very lucky indeed to be a part of his family.   
         Fraser had listened quietly to all Jeremy had told him, his heart going out to the frightened girl that Jill Kennedy must have been during that time. She had given up the only people she had ever known in deference to a man that she had no connection to and returned to the world alone and penniless. He wondered how she had managed to survive all those years, with no one to love and support her. Obviously she had managed to put herself through school to become a therapist and even managed enough to afford the small house in which she lived, yet the idea that she had reached all these goals alone saddened Fraser. Jill Kennedy was indeed more like him than he could ever imagine, though at least he knew where he came from, he had a heritage and a family to look back upon. Jill had nothing but her job and her cat she was totally alone.   
         He had thanked Jeremy Styles for his candor then returned to Chicago the following day, where he dialed up Jacob Masterson's telephone number. He informed the man who he was and why he was calling and the older man agreed to meet with him, since he was flying to Chicago on business the following week. Fraser asked that he bring along any documentation of his daughter's identity to correlate with what Fraser could find about Jill's medical history and records. He had convinced his doctor at the hospital to help him, once he told him why he as doing it, and though he regretted the subterfuge he had to perpetrate he knew it would be for the best. If Jill was not Amber Masterson, she need never know that Fraser had investigated the idea, if she were...well he would deal with that when the time came.   
  

         "Hello Ben." Jill greeted a couple of weeks later as Fraser appeared at her door, he had startled when she had answered, for he had meant to simply leave a note in her box.   
        "H...hello." he returned as his eyes skimmed over her tight denim shorts and green halter top. "I...I was just...I thought you would be out with Ray and I...I was just going to...well leave you a note."   
         "Com'on in." she invited standing aside to allow him and Diefenbaker inside. "I was just doing some spring cleaning, the place really needed it. It's amazing the junk you collect then put away and forget about until years later when you actually get around to sorting it." Her mouth closed with a snap as she realized she was babbling, but damn Fraser looked so good in those worn blue jeans and soft red cotton shirt and bomber jacket. She accepted his Stetson and placed it carefully on the hook she had behind the door then waved him in.   
         "I...I didn't mean to intrude." He offered, not moving away from the door. My he looked nervous.   
         "You're not." She assured. "Would you like a drink?"   
         "A...all right." He agreed finally, slowly following her into the kitchen.   
 His mouth felt like cotton and his legs felt like lead, God but she looked incredibly tempting at the present moment. The shorts were cut quite high, exposing a generous amount of long muscular legs. Her thin halter seemed to be made of elastic and stretched across her ample bosom provocatively, revealing a bountiful view of cleavage and exposed stomach beneath. Fraser could also see two pert nipples pointing at him defiantly, proving that Jill was not wearing a bra. He cleared his throat, blushed and looked away.   
         "Here you go." she offered handing him the glass of ice water she had poured. He took it with fingers that were decidedly shaky, but she seemed not to notice as she hopped up on her counter top and allowed her feet to dangle.   
         "Thank you kindly." He finally remembered, trying to pry his eyes away from the hypnotizing movement of her legs. "I...Are you not going out with Ray this evening?"   
         "Ray and I have decided that we're better friends than lovers." She replied as Fraser forced himself not to wince at her description. A picture of Jill lying in the detective's arms as they made love slowly through out the evening was almost his undoing, but he shook it away. He had not taken the chance Ray had offered him to claim Jill for himself, now he would have to suffer for it.   
         "That...that is too bad." He managed as he tried to force the water he had just swallowed past the large knot in his throat. "I know Ray is very fond of you."   
         "I'm fond of him too." She admitted easily. "But fondness is not love, Ben and I don't think we should have to settle for less than what we can have."   
         "I...I agree." Fraser replied quietly as he set the glass on the counter before he ended up dropping the thing on the floor. "I...I am relieved you can both still be friends."   
         "So am I." she returned as she lifted a hand toward him. "Come here Ben." Fraser hesitated, before moving to take her hand and draw closer. With her seated on the counter, it gave his new position a distressing intimacy, but he did not pull away. Her fingers delved under the collar of his jacket and slowly pushed it off his shoulders, to land on the floor behind him. Fraser immediately bent to retrieve it but she pulled him upright again. "Forget about it for now."   
         "All right." He agreed shyly, as she pulled him closer and his hips were cradled by her athletic thighs while her ankles crossed behind him. He blushed at the erotic embrace, but again he could not pull away. He wanted to be close to her, wanted it more than he ever thought possible and he was not ready to allow his own discomfort or embarrassments to break their contact.   
         "I have a confession to make, Ben." She told him gravely and he nodded curious, waiting for her to continue. "I didn't want to date Ray anymore because I am in love with someone else."   
         "Y...you are?" Fraser swallowed convulsively, his stomach tightening with the feeling of dread that suddenly washed over him. Could it be her assistant, Raul? Or perhaps one of her patients? He didn't know of many other men that she had contact with on a regular basis.   
         "I am." She sighed as she caressed his flushed cheek, never taking her eyes from his. "I'm tired of running away from my feelings, Ben. I really think I should tell this person how I feel about him but I'm so afraid he'll reject me. You see he's been hurt too and I don't know if he would be willing to try again." Fraser nodded, he could understand that, he had been struggling with those same kind of feelings lately.   
         "I...I think you...you should probably be honest with him, Jill." He offered cursing himself simultaneously. He didn't want to encourage her to run to the arms of another man, yet if she was in love what choice did he have? He wanted her to happy.   
         "What if he rejects me?" she asked tracing the contour of his left ear with her finger tip and watching him shiver and wet his lips, perhaps unaware of his own reaction to her touch.   
         "Then he would be a fool." Fraser decided and she raised her eyebrows at him.   
         "He's been known to be on occasion." She commented.   
         "Then perhaps you are better off without him." Fraser countered then immediately regretted his words when he saw the hurt in her eyes. Here he was being a selfish bastard again. "I...I mean that...if he cannot see what a...a gift your love would be then perhaps...perhaps he isn't worthy of your feelings." Her eyes lowered and he pressed to find the right thing to say. "H...however if you truly love him then perhaps you could convince him that he is being a fool." He bit his lip, confusing himself as well as her no doubt. "I...I am sorry Jill. I...I'm not very good at this sort of thing. My advice is limited regarding affairs of the heart, perhaps Ray would be..."   
         "Do you think I could convince him, Ben?" she suddenly asked curious and she met his gaze once more.   
         "You are very determined when it is something you want, Jill." He assured quickly. "I am sure you could convince anyone of anything if you had a mind to." She smiled and he felt a flow of relief that he had not ruined their friendship by his inability to convey his thoughts better.   
         "Do you need convincing, Ben?" she challenged.   
         "Oh no I....what?" Fraser stopped and stared at her. He had thought she was reading his thoughts again and asking if he needed assurance that they were still friends, but somehow the tone of her voice and the look in her eye told him that was not at all what she had meant. "I...I don't understand the question."   
         "Do I need to convince you of what a fool you are being or should I just assume you've figured it out on your own by now?" she replied and he gapped at her.   
         "I...you...me...what?" She smiled again and moved to press her lips to his in a gentle, non-pressuring kiss.   
         "I love you, Ben." She whispered against his quivering lips. "Now will you tell me that you are a fool and don't love me back or will you show me how you really feel?" Fraser's arms went around her of their own volition as he pulled her against him and claimed her mouth hungrily. She loved him! Jill loved him, not Ray, not Raul, him! He had been a fool, the biggest fool of them all.   
         "I am a fool." He murmured finally breaking the kiss as their foreheads rested upon each other. "I...I hated the idea that Ray was courting you, yet I gave him my blessing. I hated that you flirted with both of us equally, I hated sharing you with him and I hated holding Victoria against you." He gazed longingly into her eyes. "I am sorry, but I have been a fool, Jill." He reached up and cradled her face in his hands. "I...I..." he lowered his eyes, ashamed that he could not yet say the words she needed to hear, so he improvised. "I am lost without you."   
         "Show me." She demanded softly and he realized his words had been enough. Fraser moved back from the counter and lifted her in his arms, heading for the stairs, but she shook her head. "No, outside, in the tub." Fraser was slightly shocked by her request that would involve a public display; he might have to arrest them both. "It has screen panels, no one will see us."   
         "All right." He agreed finally, for the idea of making love in the Jacuzzi had already started to fuel his fantasies, pushing back his moral thoughts of indecency.   
          He carried her out to the tub then set her down and helped her erect the dark marble screens that he had not noticed before, around it. They would be reasonably safe, for there was no way into Jill's fenced yard other than through the house, and the front door was locked. Diefenbaker had curled up on the patio a few feet away with Barney and would no doubt alert them to an intruder. Jill ran back into the house to gather some towels and necessities then returned a moment later with her portable radio as well.   
         Fraser had already undressed and gotten into the tub, though he was already turning red, whether from the heat or from embarrassment Jill couldn't decide. She had changed into a robe and when she pulled it apart to step into bubbling water Fraser lowered his eyes respectfully. She pulled the screen closed behind he, after pressing play on her recorder and the sound track to Titanic floated quietly around them. They could still the stars sparkling above them and it was as though they now had their own private world away from any outside interference.   
         Jill moved into his embrace tentatively and he bit back a moan of desire as her soft naked flesh caressed his own. She smiled and lifted her hand out of the water to caress his flushed cheek, trailing it playfully across his chin and up over his mouth. His lips parted eagerly and she slid two fingers inside, allowing him to suckle them gently as though they were the sweetest ambrosia. She settled on his lap, careful of his obvious arousal that rubbed against her own moist center and pulled her fingers away to taste him.   
         Fraser wrapped his arms around her as he explored the hot sweetness of her mouth, delighting in the smell and feel of her against him. Together they teased and suckled and nipped each other's tongue mercilessly until they were both breathless and yearning for more. Fraser's mouth moved down across her throat to the column of her neck and across one creamy shoulder, memorizing the intoxicating and slightly salty taste of her skin. She moaned in ecstasy as he moved to her breast and pulled a hardened pink nipple between his lips. She arched against him, rubbing her sex against his and wrenching a cry of desire from deep inside him.   
         "Oh Ben!" she gasped as he continued to lavish her breast with all the attention it desired, then moved to perform the same loving ministrations to the one that had started to feel neglected. She felt his fingers move down over her back, across her tight ass cheeks and then between them "Oh God!" she cried as he caressed her center before slipping one long finger inside. "Oh yes, Ben!" Fraser, spurred on by her moans of desire moved his mouth back to claim hers with an almost animalistic passion as his fingers continued to torment and tease her under the water.   
         Suddenly she pulled away and he stared at her surprised, thinking he had done something wrong, but then she was pulling him upwards so that he was leaning back against the rim of the tub and the cool surface of the screen behind them. He gasped as she knelt and slid her mouth over him; the heated moisture claiming him as nothing ever had before.   
         "Dear God!" he heard himself mutter as she continued to lovingly devour him.   
        No one, not even Victoria, had ever done this to him and though he occasionally had fantasized about it, it felt so much better than anything he had ever dreamed did. He was at the edge of his control, wanting to thrust deeper and deeper into that warm silky mouth, but afraid he might hurt her if he moved. So he settled with gripping the edge of the tub with knuckles that were quickly turning white with the effort to stay stationary. When her hands started to squeeze the sac just below his throbbing organ he was surprised at the guttural growl that escaped him and he felt his body betraying him as his hips started to thrust toward her.   
         Jill seemed to welcome his sudden loss of control, her tongue and mouth working more frantically now until Fraser was sure the stars he was seeing was not just in the sky above him. He was close, so very close and as wonderful as this felt he didn't want it to end this way. He wanted to make love to Jill, to posses her as no other man ever could and he found himself reluctantly pulling out of her mouth and helping her to rise with trembling hands. He claimed the luscious mouth that tasted of citrus fruit, strawberries and even some his own juices. The combination was making him dizzy with passion and he conveyed his intentions by pressing against her provocatively.   
         Jill settled him back on the seat he had previously evicted, then smiled shyly as she slowly lowered herself over him. Fraser moaned as the tight heat of her center engulfed him, the swirling waters around them adding to the sweet sensation and causing every fiber of his body throb and tingle with a glorious sensation. It didn't take either of them very long to reach completion after that and afterwards, she curled in his arms as they stared up at the evening sky. Fraser made some sort of comment about making a mess in the water and Jill just told him that was what filters were for.   
         "Happy?" she asked him contented and he nodded, again surprised to find it was the truth. He did feel happy, for the first time in a very long time, truly happy. He had not felt like this with Victoria, he had been grateful and more than a little infatuated with the opportunity to be with her again, but it did not come close to the way he now felt in Jill's arms.   
         "Very." he murmured as he kissed her forehead affectionately, while he gave her a gentle squeeze. She sighed and lazily caressed his chest.   
         "Good, because I think we're both about cooked and should probably get out before Dief starts adding vegetables to the water for flavor." She decided and Fraser laughed, really laughed like she had never heard before.   
         "I believe that would be a good idea." He agreed as he helped her rise and pulled back the entry screen as she reached for a towel. "There is not much that will come between him and a meal." She giggled and wrapped the towel around her then handed one to Fraser, who modestly positioned it across his hips. They collected the rest of their belonging then headed inside, the cool air feeling deliciously calming on their exposed skin.   
         After they dried off and dressed they cuddled on the sofa in Jill's living room, where she suddenly remembered that Fraser had been coming to tell her something, or at least leave a note regarding what he wanted to convey. When she asked him about it he stiffened nervously and she instantly regretted bringing it up.   
         "I...I wanted to ask you if..." He reached behind to scratch his neck. He was afraid to tell her now, what if she became angry with him, what if she felt he had betrayed her by going behind her back and investigating her past? Fraser didn't think he could handle loosing her, not after what they had just shared.   
         "What is it?" she asked, concerned that he was suddenly so tense.   
         "I...I am afraid that I did something that perhaps I shouldn't have." He allowed quietly and her eyes narrowed.   
         "Like what?" she demanded cautiously.   
         "I...I had Ray track down the where abouts of Jeremy Styles and Jacob Masterson."   
         "Why?" she asked confused as she watched him tug at his ear then steeple his fingers decidedly, perhaps to keep them from shaking so badly.   
        His heart was racing and threatened to burst from his chest, his stomach and throat were tightening into knots and threatened to cut off his oxygen supply. What if she hated him? What if he lost her now because of his own damned curiosity? He had only meant to help, to find her identity, but know he realized that to do so without her permission had been wrong. Ray was right, he did plunge ahead without thinking, and now he might loose Jill because of it. He realized that she had repeated her question, more demanding now.   
         "I...You said that there were times when you were uncertain if the things you seemed to know were memories that Jeremy had planted or if they actually were coming from your own thoughts." Fraser rushed ahead, determined to explain quickly before her temper got the better of them both. "I...I though that perhaps there was substantial evidence that you might well be Amber Masterson, only Jeremy's scheming confused your knowledge of the truth."   
         "What did you do, Fraser?" she charged rising form the sofa to stand over him with her arms folded protectively across her chest and her eyes shooting daggers. He flinched at the use of his last name.   
         "I...I contacted them." He informed wetting his suddenly dry and stiff lips with his tongue. She was angry; oh boy was she angry. Fraser what have you done? You are a fool, just as she said. "I...I spoke with Jeremy and he...he seemed genuinely remorseful regarding his actions toward you. He...he told me that you often seemed to know things that he never even told you and he was starting to suspect that you truly were Amber Masterson."   
         "He's a con man, Fraser." She stated coldly. "He'll tell you whatever story he thinks you want to hear."   
         "I...I understand that, Jill." He assured. "However I am familiar with the techniques that most people use when perpetrating a lie and I found none of these techniques being applied by Jeremy Styles while we talked. His heart rate did not increase, he did not sweat, look away, slip up, fidget, nothing. I believe he was telling the truth."   
         "Then you really are fool." She accused angrily, as she turned on her heal and stormed out of the room toward the kitchen. Fraser followed without hesitation.   
         "I understand that you are angry." He cautioned as she opened and closed the refrigerator to retrieve a soda with decided force. "I did not mean to upset you or to investigate my suspicions without your consent, but I was more worried that you would be hurt more if my suspicions turned out to be false."   
         "How could you do this to me?" she accused furious. "How could you go behind my back after I told you that in confidence? It's over. Hakuna Matata!" Fraser blinked.   
        "P...Pardon?" he inquired confused and a ghost of a smile flashed on her putting lips but vanished quickly as she waed a dismisive hand at him.   
         "Hakuna Matata." She repeated. "It means no worries, put your past behind you and move on. It's from the Lion King." Fraser bit back a smile; he'd have to remember that one.   
         "Ah." He replied in understanding. "Well, that is an admirable perspective to take but it does not always work, Jill. Sometimes your past is linked with your future, you cannot just forget about it."   
         "I was doing just fine until you came along." She defied dropping down at the kitchen table and sipping her soda. Fraser willed himself not to show how much her remark had stung him.   
         "I was only trying to do what was best for you, Jill." He told her as he settled in the chair opposite. "Don't you want to know who you are?"   
         "I know who I am damnit!" she exclaimed. "I'm Jill Kennedy and that's all I care about. I've worked damn hard to become the person I am, Benton Fraser and I will not have you come in here and suddenly turn my life upside down just to justify your moral standards and curiosity. It took me years to stop wondering who I was, to stop wishing that there was someone out there that would lay claim to me but I managed and I will not let you destroy everything I have worked so hard for!"   
         "Jill, I am not trying to destroy anything." Fraser soothed. "I know who you are, I am not trying to change you in any way, I only thought you would like to know who you were. Can you honestly tell me that you have completely stopped wondering about your real identity? That you don't look at every single person you pass on the street, every patient you treat and wonder if they know you? Isn't that why you get so personal with them, Jill, to delve into their past because you have none of your own and you are searching or some kind of connection that might help you to remember?"   
         "Get out!" she screamed bolting from the chair and throwing the soda can at him, missing him by inches as he dodged it and stood. "I don't need you to tell me how to live my life! I live it just fine, I did before you got here and I will again when you're gone!"   
         "Jill, don't do this." He pleaded willing her to see reason. "I am only trying to help..."   
        "I don't want your help!" she refused grabbing up a cookbook off the counter and flinging that at him as well, again he dodged then strode purposefully toward her and grasped her hands to keep her from throwing anything else.   
         "Stop it!" he ordered firmly as she struggled to free her hands and hit him at the same time. "Jill you are being childish now stop this."   
         "Let me go!' she demanded furious. "Don't you touch me you bastard! How could you do this to me? How could you?" Fraser wrapped his arms around her, holding their bodies tightly together.   
         "Because I love you." He whispered as he blinked back his own tears of frustration. "I never meant to hurt you I only wanted to help. Please, for God's sake don't turn away from me now I don't want to loose you." But Jill was no longer listening to him and he wondered if she had even heard his tender confession. She had a wild, agonized look in her eyes as though something just suddenly popped inside her brain and transported her to another time, another place.   
         "You bastard!" she moaned, her struggles against him weakening. "I'll never forgive you Daddy, never! How could you do it? How could you?" Fraser felt her legs give beneath her and quickly gathered her in his arms and carried her to the sofa in the living room. Something had triggered a memory with in her and Fraser was helpless to watch as she relived it, her pitiful moans echoing in the silence around them as tears streamed freely down her tortured face.   
         "I'm sorry." Fraser whispered caressing her cheeks, wiping at her tears and placing gentle kisses along her brow. "Oh God what have I done? Jill I am so sorry to hurt you, so very sorry." After a moment she quieted and he realized she had lost consciousness. He checked her pulse, relieved to find a strong steady beat, then rose and pulled the afghan from the back of the sofa over her. Then he wiped his eyes and moved to the phone, he needed help and the only one he could think of was Ray.   
  

         Jill awoke slowly, her eyelids pressing heavily against her desire to open them and when her eyes adjusted and leveled upon the kind face of Ray Vecchio. She blinked a few times before he noticed she was awake and moved from the chair he was lounging in to kneel beside her.   
         "Hiya beautiful." He greeted. "Have a nice nap?" She frowned and struggled to sit up, only to have Ray gently push her back against the cushions.   
        "W...what are you doing here?" she asked confused.   
         "Fraser called me." He informed quietly, his brow was marred in concern his emerald eyes scrutinizing her as though deciding for himself that she was okay. "He said you had a memory flash or something, just became hysterical. Sort of freaked him out and I think he blames himself because he said you had both been arguing."   
         "No." she whispered, wishing her voice sounded stronger. "I...we were arguing, but it...it wasn't his fault." She slowly sat up, with his assistance this time. "I haven't had a flash in years, but I'm sure it wasn't his fault." She caressed her brow and waited for the nausea in her stomach to settle. It had something to do with Fraser shaking her and demanding she stop being childish, it triggered a memory of her father doing the same thing, sying the exact same words. "Where is he?"   
         "Out back." Ray replied as he straightened. "I'll go get him." She nodded and watched him leave. Ray walked through the kitchen and pulled the door open to the patio, spotting the huddled form of Fraser on the steps almost immediately, even in the darkness. "Benny?" The Mountie started and Ray watched his friends hands automatically wipe at his face then rub along the soft denim of his jeans as he rose and turned toward his partner.   
         "Is she awake?" he asked anxiously and Ray nodded. "How is she?"   
         "Seems okay, tired I think." Ray informed. "She wants to talk to you." He was surprised when Fraser took a step back and lowered his eyes.   
         "Oh no, Ray." He refused. "I...I couldn't possibly...I was the cause of her pain. She...she is very furious with me and she has every right to be. I behaved reprehensibly and I..."   
         "Fraser you shouldn't keep her waiting." Ray implied. "She said it wasn't your fault, now go talk to her."   
         "I...I can't face her, Ray." The Mountie insisted and Ray was truly surprised, he rarely saw Fraser truly afraid of anyone, but he was most definitely afraid to face Jill Kennedy now.   
         "You have to sooner or later." Ray reasoned. "Better sooner than later, get it over with that much faster." Fraser shook his head and glanced up as the sliding glass opened again and Jill stood in the doorway. Ray looked between them for a moment, then whistled for Dief and Barney who had curled up next to Fraser. "Com'on guys, let's give' 'em some privacy." The animals followed him inside and Fraser watched the detective place a gentle hand on Jill's shoulder. "Be gentle, he's scared to death." Fraser blushed but Jill only smiled up at the Italian and patted his hand fondly before he went inside and closed the door, leaving them alone.   
         "I'm sorry." Fraser offered mournfully, unable to look at her, surprised when he felt her hands on his face a moment later, forcing him to meet her gaze.   
         "Don't be." She dismissed pressing her lips to his in a soft slow kiss. Fraser was afraid to move, afraid to breathe. What if he did something to upset her again? He certainly didn't deserve her love or here kisses. But after a moment, when she continued to tease his lips with her tongue he opened his mouth to her and sighed as she slid her tongue inside. His arms went around her, reveling in the feel of their closeness for the second time that day.   
         "I love you." He murmured when she pulled away. "Please Jill, I do love you and I am sorry I hurt you." She shook her head and instantly he thought she was rejecting him, but then she spoke.   
         "Tell me what you found out." she encouraged and he looked at her shocked.     "Please, I want to know."   
         "I...I spoke with Mr. Masterson and he...we compared his daughter's medical records and prints with yours. We did a thorough research and..."   
         "And?" she prompted when he hesitated.   
         "I...Oh Jill I'm...I don't know how to tell you..." he shook his head. "Perhaps I never should have..."   
         "Tell me, Ben." She demanded softly as he stared into her eyes.   
         "You are not Amber Masterson." He informed quietly and Jill closed her eyes for the briefest moment before meeting his gaze again.   
         "So it was all for nothing." She sighed and Fraser shook his head.   
         "I...no, not...not necessarily."   
         "What do you mean?" she asked confused.   
         "Jacob Masterson had two daughters, twin girls." Fraser stated and watched her stiffen in his arms. "Amber was the oldest by four minutes, she was kidnapped and held for ransom when she was eight.  Although Mr. Masterson paid the ransom, her abductors were never found, nor was she until five years ago, when her body was discovered buried in the back woods of a small Michigan town."   
         "How awful!" Jill gasped in shock. "What...what about the other sister? He told us he only had one child."   
         "He had been told that the other twin had died in childbirth along with his wife." Fraser informed. "However he learned in later years, shortly after the disappearance of Amber that his other daughter had actually been sold to another couple by the hospital administrator, who was dealing in black market babies." Jill felt her limbs grow weak and moved out of Fraser's embrace to lower herself to the steps before her legs gave out completely as her head throbbed painfully. Fraser settled beside her concerned.   
         "I'm okay." She assured of his unanswered question as a memory starting stirring in her mind. "What else, keep going."   
         "Are you sure?" he cautioned, worried she might become hysterical again, but she nodded impatiently. "Well, apparently the wife of the man who bought the child to pass off as their own heard about Masterson's loss and perhaps she had an attack of conscience. She called and told him that he had a second daughter and she where she was."   
         "Donovan." Jill muttered as she continued to rub her temples. Maggie Donovan." A tear slipped out of one eye. "My mother." Jill shook her head grievously as the memories came flooding back. "My real mother. She never died in childbirth, Daddy...I mean Alex Donovan told Mr. Masterson that because he was having an affair with my mother. They took me and left...left Amber with Jacob."   
         "Oh Jill." Fraser soothed putting an arm around her, wishing he could carry the pain for her.   
         "I...I found out...my mother told me that...that Alex wasn't my real father. She...she told me what they had done, she had blamed Daddy...Alex for everything and so did I." She was sobbing outright now and Fraser's grip on her tightened. "It was all his idea, he took us away from my real father, from mama's husband. How could he do that? How could he do that to us? Oh God why did he do that to us?"   
         "I don't know, love." Fraser admitted quietly blinking back his own tears. "How old were you when they told you?"   
         "I...I think I was fourteen." She murmured finally composing herself as she accepted Fraser's handkerchief. When...when I was around ten or eleven we moved from the only place we had ever lived, no explanation, just that we had to move. Then we kept moving and daddy kept saying it was his new job but he and Mama weren't getting along anymore and I guess it was Mr. Masterson chasing us that kept us moving. Daddy wasn't willing to give me up and...and I finally over heard him and Mama arguing about it when I was fourteen, the day after my birthday."   
         "That was when you lost your memory wasn't it?" Fraser asked gently and he nodded.   
         "I was so angry so...shocked I just had to get away from them, from all of them and I just kept running until I guess I physically and mentally shut down." She sat up slightly to wipe at her eyes and blow her nose. "Oh, Ben, that must be why no one claimed me, or listed me missing. Alex couldn't because it would prove him to be a kidnapper and also let Jacob Masterson know where he was." She sniffed. "I guess he figured if he couldn't have me no one would, and no one did."   
         "And the things you seemed to know without Jeremy's prodding?"   
         "They were little things, like places in the house or the servant's names or little things like that. My mother must have talked about them at one point and I stored them in my memory." She suggested. "Perhaps it was some kind of link I had to my twin that I was unaware of that I knew little things about her, I don't know."   
         "Surely Jacob would have known you on sight if you were his daughter's twin though." Fraser questioned and she shook her head.   
         "People change a lot during adolescence." She reasoned. "His only picture of her were when she was still very young and she always had short hair, where I had long. She hadn't been very tall, and I hadn't started to grow until about twelve or thirteen and then I shot up. There were similarities but nothing concrete."   
         "Do you remember you name?" he asked softly and she nodded, she remembered almost everything now, with just a few gaps in between.   
         "Autumn." She returned shyly and he smiled.   
         "It's very pretty." He told her kissing her cheek lovingly. "It suits you." She smiled and snuggled against him, as she grasped his hand in hers.   
         "Thank you, Ben." She whispered. "Now I have everything."   
  

         Jacob Masterson paced the floor of the doctor's lounge anxiously, running a hand through his thinning blond hair and over his thick moustache. At fifty-six years of age, six three and two hundred and thirty pounds of solid muscle, he was an intimidating man. He had faced, kidnappers, crooked politician, abusive ranch hands, corporate degenerates and quite honestly in his opinion the scum of the earth, yet none of them had left him feeling this afraid. In mere moments the woman that once claimed to be his daughter, then ran off when she found out her fiancée had concocted the horrible scheme, was going to walk through that door and he had never been so terrified in his life.   
         The Mountie that had contacted him about Jill Kennedy, as his daughter was now going by, had told him they would have to meet at the hospital where she worked because her patients were very important and she could not upset their schedule. It had taken almost a month after Fraser's call to rearrange everything that he could be here, but it was worth it. That same Mountie, dressed in a ridiculously formal red and back outfit, complete with calf boots and a tan Stetson now stood dormant by one of the windows, as though still on guard duty for the queen's jewels. He looked calm and composed and Jacob hated him for it. Why should he be the only one on edge?   
         The door opened and a beautiful blond haired woman in green shorts and a cream polo entered. Familiar blue eyes raised apprehensively to his and Jacob Masterson willed himself to stay upright. This was his daughter. This stunning, athletic beauty was of his genes. Fraser had told him she worked as a physical therapist and he felt pride swell inside him at her choice of career. So much like Amber, always wanting to help people, always striving to better herself. He tried to take a step forward but it seemed his feet were suddenly rooted to the floor. He tried to speak but his lips refused to work.   
         So many wasted years, so much time they could have spent together, so much tragedy and heartache she had endured because of what his wife and her lover had done to them. It was heart wrenching and suddenly Jacob Masterson did something he had not done in twenty years, he cried. Jill gave a startled cry, for until that moment she too had been frozen to the spot, but at the sight of this gentle giant's open tears she found herself covering the distance between them and was suddenly engulfed in his strong grizzly bear arms.   
         Fraser moved across the floor quietly and discreetly left the room, brushing away his own tear and closing the door to give them privacy. He positioned himself beside it, as though in sentry duty, determined that no one would disturb them and he wasn't the least annoyed by both the perplexed and romantic looks he received at his post from those in passing. In his trouser pocket the weight of a small jewelers box pressed firmly against his thigh, reminding him of the question he needed to ask of Jill Kennedy, now Autumn Masterson. He wondered if there was a record for the number of name changes a person could make and he forced the smile curving his lips to remain neutral. Three times is the charm he believed.   
  

Robert Fraser watched as Jill Kennedy talked quietly and listened to Jacob Masterson intently, memorizing every line of his face, his age wrinkled hands and his beautiful sparkling eyes so like his own. She finally knew who she was, she was no longer alone.  She glanced toward the tall figure positioned outside the lounge door, she could still make out the red of his uniform through the small sliver of glass along the side of the door. No, she was no longer alone, she had a father, a family and a man who loved her.   
    Robert Fraser smiled and pulled out his list of names for his future grandchildren, ticking each of them off thoughtfully, only to have his mothr snatch it away and wce it at him.   
        "If you think for one minute that you're going to name any ofBenton's children, Robert you are as loony as Tiberius."   
        "Now Mother." He began soothingly.   
        "Shut up." she demanded. "I know what sort of names you come up, Benton for heavens sake was your idea! Who in the hell names their child Benton, it's sinful and poor Benny had to go through life with that awful title."   
        "He's done all right with it." Robert Fraser protested.   
        "A nice name like Roger or Cyril would be good for a boy and a girl, Martha of course and perhaps clarise." She grew thoughtful. "Yes, I think that would be just fine it will take me a little while to come up with a proper name but then we've got time..." She faded out and Robert Fraser glanced through the door at his son.   
        "Work fast, Benton." he warned, knowing his son could not hear him. "God speed Son." 

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